


it’s not the fall that kills you

by polyamorousgraysexual



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, I feel like I should apologize for this, M/M, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:14:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27919558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polyamorousgraysexual/pseuds/polyamorousgraysexual
Summary: Steve fought for Bucky when no one else would. He believed in him against all the odds, promised to be there until the end of the line – but they’d never considered that the end of the line wouldn’t be the same for the both of them. Post Avengers: Endgame and very much not a fix-it.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	it’s not the fall that kills you

Everyone thinks that Steve goes back in time for Peggy, but Bucky knows him better than that. Steve doesn’t know what to do without a war to fight and this one seems to be over, at least for the moment. He knows, when Steve hugs him and they make eye contact, what’s happening and he almost, almost tells him not to go. Almost gets on his knees and begs. Because he needs Steve more than either of them realizes. 

He’s perfectly content to be Sam’s sidekick or pet project or emotional support super soldier – or all of the above. That’s not the issue. He was never Steve’s sidekick, really. Even after the serum, they were closer to equals than anything else, and he had his own specific niche in the Howling Commandos; in reality, he had always been more than just Steve Rogers’ shadow. And he loves Sam, even if he wants to kill him sometimes. It’s not like he’d never felt the same frustration at Steve, after all.

But Steve is his only tangible link back to the person he used to be. Before the train, the fall and everything that followed. He’s not sure that he loves Steve the way he used to, before everything; there’s too much between them now, maybe, for that. But he feels untethered without him as if losing that anchor to his past meant losing part of himself.

He’s not angry with Steve, he tells himself, and Sam, when he asks. Sam’s angry. Bucky can tell. He doesn’t say it out loud, ever, not even after Steve hands him the shield and leaves. Again. But it’s in his eyes and Bucky can read Sam almost as well as he used to be able to read Steve, now. It’s the same but different and maybe that’s okay, maybe he can pretend that he’s fine with all of this and that Sam is enough. 

Because he is enough, of course he is – but then sometimes he isn’t, and it’s frustrating as hell because Bucky loves Sam and he doesn’t deserve to come second to someone who isn’t there, isn’t coming back, who left them both without ever really saying goodbye. Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t have anything to do with any of that.

Steve fought for Bucky when no one else would. He believed in him against all the odds, promised to be there until the end of the line – but they’d never considered that the end of the line wouldn’t be the same for the both of them. Steve had to go back in order to keep going forward but Bucky didn’t, couldn’t, would never be able to go back, a stranger in his own time and this new, confusing one. So, carrying on a tradition that stretched back before either of them even thought of picking up a gun, he pretends to be fine, looks Steve in the eye and silently convinces him that it’s okay to go.

Because here’s the thing: Steve chose Bucky every single time – until, for whatever reason, Bucky wasn’t a choice for him anymore. And that was it.


End file.
